Sunday, September 7, 2014

So, This is Being a Mom, Huh?

It was the other night, after stepping in baby poop (yes, you read that correctly), that I thought about how much my life has changed in the last 2.5 months. As in, pre-momma Stephanie would not recognize a single thing about this new life! ...No really.

The cloud of selfishness that surrounded me a mere few months ago is pretty much gone. Okay, maybe the cloud is more a of a cloudlet.. But, gosh, do you forget all about yourself once you birth a human! And that selflessness is not on just one level; it's on OH SO many!

I mean, it all really starts in the moments leading up to the arrival of the little bundle of joy, right there under the bright lights of the hospital room. You don't know complete disregard of your own feelings and inhibitions until you are on all fours in a hospital bed with your closest friends and family taking turns rocking you back and forth (If you'd like a better description of that beautiful experience, you can read my birth story here)! Then there's the birth. Nothing prepares you for the complete lack of modesty you're suddenly okay with. Sure, other mothers had always told me that once you're about to push out a baby, you don't have any dignity modesty left and don't care that you are laying in a bed with nothing between you and God (and a room full of nurses). I just never believed them...until that moment. Yep, they were pretty much dead on with that one.

Then, all of a sudden, when you are face to face with the most beautiful little person you've ever seen, you think what in the world did I even care about before this? What else could have ever mattered? After Wells was born, the thought of being away from him for more than a few seconds was unbearable. I wanted to be near him at all times - I still do. I have really had to let go of some of my worries and stresses about not being around him 24/7. Letting others hold him or change a diaper or just take him while I showered- those things were hard for me at first. Like, a lock-myself-in-a-room-and-cry kind of hard. It wasn't normal - yet it was my new normal. I didn't care that my hair hadn't been brushed for 3 days or that my morning face-wash didn't happen until 5pm. All that mattered was that I got to be with that sweet little nugget. My husband may have wanted me to run a brush through my hair and perhaps wear something other than a baggy PJ shirt for the entire day those first few weeks, but I couldn't have cared less about any of those things. I was different. I would much rather take care of my baby than myself. And let's be real - this girl was looking rough for a while there!

You'll be happy to know that I now shower regularly again and sometimes even do my hair (don't judge - my hair is unruly and thick and it takes a good while to do anything acceptable with it)! I have learned to manage my time a little better, figuring out how to get myself and a whole other human ready, pack a gigantic diaper bag (no, I haven't learned to consolidate yet), get a breast pump and all the necessary parts prepped, and prepare mine and Eric's lunches all before 6:45am! (Side note: I am NOT a morning person, so this is a HUGE deal for me!)We are falling into a routine slowly, but whoa, life with a newborn is hard! People tell you, but you never know until you experience it firsthand. On Wells' fussiest, gassiest days (which are always when we have things to get done or somewhere to be - of course), when it is easy to let the exhaustion and frustration overcome me, I still cannot imagine life without him and could not possibly have any more love in my heart for him.

This tiny little guy has changed me. I love him with a love that only a mother can know - and I guess it's that kind of love that lets you step in poop (HUMAN poop, people!) and somehow be okay with it.

So, This is Being a Mom, Huh? This sometimes unglamorous, always busy, many times crazy new life? Yep, I think this is exactly what being a mom is about...learning to put someone else before yourself, learning to laugh about the hard stuff life throws you, and learning to let go of the things that you never knew weren't that important. This is being a mom...and I love every bit of it.


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